Composing The Wedding Speech

Work Out the Structure Prune your notes if necessary and arrange them in the order in which you would like to use them. List the essentials to be included such as thanks and the toast. Only then should you consider your opening remarks. Avoid stereotyped ideas if possible. Have you talked only about the bride cooking for the bridegroom when you know she is a career girl and a women's libber, and if she is not some of the audience will be? Delete anything in dubious taste. If in doubt, leave it out. Avoid negatives, regrets, criticisms of others, making the families appear foolish, making yourself appear foolish, and anything vague. Remove rude jokes and deliberate sexual innuendos, and also watch out for unintended double entendres which might make inebriated members of the audience laugh when you are being serious and sincere. You can cause hysterics all round with such apparently innocent remarks as the bride's father saying, 'I didn't expect to enjoy myself so much. You don't enjoy things so much when you get older.' (I should know. I was the bride.)

 Reading Your Speech Aloud Read the speech aloud to yourself first to be sure the sentences are not too long and you are not stumbling over them. It must sound like something you would say spontaneously. Later when you are satisfied, you might read it to a limited number of people - just one or two. You don't want all the wedding party to have heard the speech in advance of the wedding.

 Improving the Style Change words or phrases you have repeated. Enliven cliches by subtly altering them if possible. Explain jargon and foreign phrases. Change repetitions by looking for new words with the same meaning in Roget's Thesaurus. Paperback copies are available from bookshops. A dictionary of synonyms and antonyms might also be useful. And if you intend to compose your own poems, limericks or verses, a songwriter's rhyming dictionary would be invaluable. For an ordinary wedding a colloquial way of speaking will be suitable. However, should you be called upon to speak at a grand, formal wedding you may feel that a more erudite speech is required. Forms of address and titles for important personages can be found in reference books. To eliminate or locate colloquial words there are dictionaries of slang. For the transatlantic marriages, several dictionaries of American expressions are available, enabling you to eliminate Americanisms, explain yourself to American listeners, or make jokes about the differences between Americanisms and conventional English language.

 Anticipating Little Problems Try to anticipate any controversial subjects and disasters you might have to mention, or avoid mentioning, in the course of your speech. Make yourself a troubleshooter's checklist. What would I say if: her Dad died; his parents couldn't attend; her parents didn't attend; the best man didn't arrive because his plane from India was delayed; it turned out to be the groom's second wedding, although it is her first; the Matron of Honour didn't turn up because she was ill; the groom dried up and forgot to compliment the bridesmaids so I couldn't thank him? You may also have to state facts which are obvious to you, but not to cousins who have not seen the family for several years. You might also have to avoid stating the obvious.   

Finally, check that your speech fits in with the speeches and toasts given by others. Be sure that you know the name of the previous speaker so that you can say, 'Thank you, George,' confident that his name is not James. And if your friend, the bridegroom, or the bride's father-in-law or another older man is usually called 'AP, on this occasion should you be calling him by his full name, (and if so, is that short for Albert, Alfred, Ali, Alexis, Alexander, or, even more formally, Mr Smith?